i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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