I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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