they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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