Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
