I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
