So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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