my soul wont recognize me after tonight
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
