I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize