Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
