I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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