he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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