The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
