One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
