I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
a search helicopter?!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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