Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
