After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
