I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
