guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
