just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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