My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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