btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
