Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
