turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
