I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
