omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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