I just pynch a tree in the face
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
