Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
