I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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