I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You're like the curious george of whores
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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