Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
