So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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