hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
