i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
