God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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