She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize