watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
