And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This house was built for laser tag.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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