i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
