Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
