I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
