I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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