Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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