like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
