I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Still dying that you shit outside
I got inside last night via doggy door
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
