you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
high people should be assigned attendants
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
