Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dignity is for republicans.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
