i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
