you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
