when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
