wanna go halves on a baby?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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