i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
