everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
