Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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