I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
