haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
