I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
