I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
