I'm gonna have a badass scar
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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