I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
