Your dad touched me again.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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