Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize