Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
