I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
