He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
