I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize