I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
