My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
